Wrap rage…I knew such a thing existed but I never knew anyone had slapped a label on it.  The truth of the matter is wrap rage is real!  I researched it this weekend after slicing my knuckle open trying to get the stupid plastic wrap off a bottle of soy sauce.

It’s a rare occasion when I decide to cook a good meal, but I had found a simple salmon recipe on line and had a weird urge to make it.  I thought I would impress my family, people who have told me time and again how horrible I am at cooking.  I can’t even get mad at them because I am.  I can’t help it…I hate everything that has to do with cooking, from going to the supermarket to finding the right pot to combining the ingredients.  I find no enjoyment in these acts whatsoever and there is no one alive who will ever be able to convince me that cooking is fun. (People have tried already and failed)

My kids try to be polite as they sit down to dinner and take bets on what it is they’re eating.  I find it funny to watch their faces as they take that first bite of whatever it is I made.

Anyway back to wrap rage (that was just background so you knew why I was so happy I might actually make a meal they found appealing)…

The bottle of soy sauce was brand new and had plastic wrap around the top so I couldn’t twist the cap off without removing it.  But it didn’t have those little dotted lines most normal bottles had that peel apart immediately.  See?

Ummm, Where’s the Dotted Lines?

I got my nail under a piece of the plastic on top but it didn’t give way…no matter how hard I tried to rip it, it just stretched out.  So I did what any mother trying to cook a salmon meal with soy sauce for her family would do…I grabbed a knife to cut the shit off.

Ok before you judge me, I want you to be truthful and tell me if you are one of the few people who has never used a knife to cut plastic off a bottle or food package.  If so, then judge me all you want.  But what’s done is done and obviously you know the outcome here.

The knife sliced through the top of the plastic, slid along the glass and just kept going right across the top of my knuckle.  It bled a little, ok a lot, enough that I got nauseous.  Yup, I am a nurse practitioner, and yes the sight of my own blood makes me a little nauseous.  Anyone else’s blood can spurt out and not bother me, but my own…well whatever.

I bent my head over the sink until the feeling passed and then I was good.  I examined my finger and thought it might need a stitch or two.  No biggie, so I had my son accompany me to urgent care where they cleaned it and taped it up nicely.  It wasn’t really deep and steri strips held it better than stitches would since it was right on the joint.  I got bandaged up nicely and sent on my merry way, along with a bottle of antibiotics to take for the next week.

I went home and finished making my salmon, which by the way, turned out phenomenal.  (Only one of my kids ate it, the other two had Lucky Charms)

My point to the whole story?  Why in hell do companies make packaging that the normal person cannot open?

Statistics show  most lacerations treated in ER’s are from people who tried to open plastic packaging.  That’s absurd!!!

But we’ve all been victims…how many of us have tried to open an electronic device or light bulb in plastic packaging, cut half of it open with scissors, pulled some of it apart and got rewarded by cutting our hands?

Or how many of us have avoided buying dolls for our kids because we didn’t feel like untwisting wires taped to the back of the box, snapping rubber bands, slicing thick plastic bands off arms and around necks, and cutting off that stupid tab embedded in the back of the damn doll’s head (that will always pinch like a bee sting every time you touch the back of the doll’s head)

Enough is enough…stop killing the environment and using this thick plastic that will never ever decompose (and I’ll be able to open packages once again)

And while I’m ranting on the subject I think it’s time to stop making milk cartons that are impossible to open

Got Milk? Yeah I just Can’t Open It!

PS And stop sealing bags of chips that cannot be pulled apart

PPS   Stop putting those stupid foil protective coverings on medicine bottles and if they must be there for safety, then please, please attach a pull tab.  Otherwise I’m just going to have to grab a knife, and we’ve already seen how handy I am with one of those

Knuckle Me This!