Ok so I need to speak about a very important topic since I am a nurse practitioner. It’s about the flu shot. Before you groan, I want you to know that I am privy to both sides of the story. Yes, given the fact I am in the medical field, I promote both giving and getting the flu shot. However, I understand those of you who say you did not feel well after getting a flu shot once and so you will never get it again.
Before you make any rash decisions this flu season, hear me out. If you still feel obligated to decline the shot after reading this, well then, more power to you…but don’t come to see me in the office when you have a fever of 103 and can’t swallow two sips of water without your tongue hurting. (it’s a muscle) Just kidding, I promise I will still see you in the office…maybe
Nurse Practitioner Tip #1
The flu shot is NOT a kind of drink…although I sense a really good idea in there. Like, let’s distribute flu shots to bars and create a drink called the ‘Flu Shot’ and when people get drunk enough, we poke ’em with the real deal!
Nurse Practitioner Tip #2
How many times have you had your identity stolen and taken the steps needed to protect yourself against identity theft?
Think of getting the flu shot as installing virus protection software in your body. Your health isn’t as important as your bank account?
Nurse Practitioner Tip #3
(This is a tale…meaning I made it up…meaning it didn’t really happen, I think you get the picture)
A patient came to see me one day and asked if he could be tested for STD’s (sexually transmitted diseases) because of some risky behavior in the recent past. He was concerned that he might have gonorrhea. While there, I asked him if he wanted the flu shot. With a dead serious expression, he answered, “No way! I don’t put any unknown or foreign substances in my body.”
Nurse Practitioner Tip #4
If you plan to pretend to have the flu this season, DON’T get a flu shot at work. Just saying…
Nurse Practitioner Tip #5
Man flu: an illness that causes males to become helpless, hopeless creatures who whine and cry that their body hurts and they need homemade chicken soup, not cheap Campbells
Females: a cold
Nurse Practitioner Tip #6
For all you GAME OF THRONES fans…
Winter is coming…get your flu shot!
Nurse Practitioner Tip #7
If you walk into your doctor or NP’s office to get your flu shot and you are covered in tattoos, please don’t tell us that you’re afraid of needles
Nurse Practitioner Tip #8
Yes I understand the original “Irish” shot was given to you by JAMESON, but we’re in America and now it’s given to you by FLUZONE
Nurse Practitioner Tip #9
Didn’t get the flu shot and now you have a cough?
Go home and swallow a box of dulcolax…trust me, by tomorrow you’ll be too afraid to cough
AND my final Nurse Practitioner Tip of the season is
I WILL ALWAYS SAY I TOLD YOU SO! Just kidding (well not really)
Ashes to Ashes, dust to dust,
When October arrives, a flu shot’s a MUST!