I hate cooking…

I not only hate cooking but I hate Sundays because that’s “my food shopping and then figure out what the hell we are going to eat this week” day.  Actually I think it’s the other way around and should read “figure out what the hell we are going to eat this week and my food shopping” day.  (maybe that’s why I’m always standing in the supermarket aisle scratching my head not sure what the heck I’m supposed to buy)

I dread the supermarket, and not just because you take your life in your hands walking from the parking lot to the building.  (There is one supermarket in my town that is renowned for its parking lot danger factor)  The aisles in the supermarket are packed, most people are not friendly but probably because they hate being there as much as I do, and food is just too damn expensive now a days.

If I lived alone, this would not be an issue, because I would join Purple Apron, Seam More, HeyThereFresh or Stubhub.  But I have a family of five and am obligated by law to feed my children.  These food delivery options are either way too expensive or only feed four people or less.  It’s like I’m being punished for having had that ‘extra’ kid or something.

I sadly admit that I fail to plan out my week most of the time, and that there is usually only one week per month that my family eats a hot meal every day.  My husband doesn’t cook and neither does my son.  My girls like to cook but they have too much homework and I would feel guilty asking them.

Needless to say, breakfast foods have become a popular dinner option.

I just don’t get it, the reason why so many people love to cook.  It’s a tedious thing that needs to be done over and over again, takes hours to prepare only to be devoured within minutes, causes my back to ache and leaves me with a kitchen full of things that need to be washed, dried and put away when I’m already exhausted from work.

Someone please tell me how that is fun???   

Here are some fun facts:

Things that rate very high on my supermarket list are:

-Any type of food that can go from freezer to microwave

-Meals that include a meat, starch and vegetable all in one tray (Frozen dinners)

-Salad bags that contain the dressing and toppings all in one

-Fruit that does not need to be peeled, cut or sliced

Embarrassing things I must confess:

-I once hosted Thanksgiving for my family of 25 and cooked a turkey for the first time in my life…and left the gizzards inside the bird (I swear it’s true, ask my mom)

-If my veggies don’t come in a steamable bag I won’t buy them

-The smoke alarm in my house goes off at least nine times a week

-My rice comes in a box and either cooks in five minutes or boils in a bag

-I don’t know what ochra looks like, or how to spell it for that matter

-I just discovered what a parsnip was this past year

-I thought a rutabaga was a type of car and that swiss chard a kind of knife

-I bought onions to plant and put them in the dirt upside down

-I never bought mesclun because I thought it would make me high

-I curse more than I should in the kitchen

-I think my family’s patronage is the reason our local McDonald’s was able to make major renovations inside and out

I was working this past weekend and happened to be talking with one of the nurses at my job.  She was sitting at her desk eating what appeared to be a gourmet leftover meal.  It smelled yummy.  I asked her what restaurant she had gone to and she said she made it!

She then pulled out her phone and showed me picture after picture of these gourmet looking meals which she had made in her own kitchen.   Not only that, she told me she loves cooking!

Are the bells going off in your head yet?   Well they did in mine and I asked her how she would feel about making a tray (or three) of food for me every weekend and I would pay her.  I’d bring her all the ingredients on Friday and she’d bring me the completed masterpiece on Monday.

It’s a win win for all!  She needs money, I need food, my kids don’t starve and we all end up healthy and happy!

I think I just created a business for her, because I am sure that I am not the only one in my office building who hates cooking with such a vengeance.

If I am, who really cares…